Skinning a cat, making lemonade, and slandering P, all in one blog!

Sorry about the year-long hiatus, and more, since the last blog entry. So much has happened, including the tragic death by stroke of P, the lady I wrote about last.
Was temporarily stymied at my other blog site, but in typical fashion I've cobbled out a way to blog regardless. Call me Mrs. Houdini. . .
At any rate, the blog has developed quite a life of its own in a year, complete with catch-phrases, cast of characters, and running story lines. To get caught up to speed, visit Yahoo 360 and log onto LUPUS MCDUPUS, my alterna-universe.

Entry for January 21, 2006
Woke early to transport S to work after an exhausting, yet lively evening. Had dinner with a group of friends from church. Praise the Lord, the eye was never mentioned, though we talked about lots of other medical illnesses and conditions. One male guest had survived both kidney and skin cancer, and joked that he was just waiting to see where it would pop up next.I guess I would joke too.After dinner I attempted to learn bridge . . after two or three levels of explanation, I suggested we play gin rummy instead. I took every hand, but feared I was mixing the two games up. Neither of us had played in a long time.As I made ready to leave, my hostess's cat escaped. He had been declawed, was an indoor cat, and she was afraid he'd be grabbed by a dog. Spent an hour and a half in the freezing night air looking for him. Recruited the neighbor's children, who almost nabbed the stinker several times. At 1:30 I knew I had to call it quits, being frozen and stiff as a board. Was grateful the roads were nearly empty. I've tried to mimimize night driving since the cataract was diagnosed. Usually surgery brings immediate improvement. . .I can only imagine what that must be like. In my dreams, though, I always see clearly - even in the dream (see above) in which I encountered a disfigured man.Last month, at the insistence of co-workers, I took the eyeball items off my desk and now they are at home. I wish I hadn't. . .I'm still grieving. I don't find this odd, and wonder why others do. When someone you love dies, you keep his photo nearby for a long time. My beautiful eye, lost to me! Oh, if I could press "rewind" on life and recover husbands, children, limbs and eyes I had without appreciating any of it...This, THIS is what the poet meant when he said, "Life must be appreciated backwards, but it can only be lived forwards." TBC
Saturday January 21, 2006 - 05:57pm (PST) Edit Delete 0 Comments Permanent Link

Entry for January 20, 2006

Worked through the lunch hour -well, a can of Slimfast kept me alive but kept my thoughts off food - forgoing Chinese. Needed to economize due to holiday bills. I love the day shift - arriving almost before the sun is up puts little strain on my distended eye. Leaving, though, is another story. Had found a bottle-green pair of cataract sunglasses (the wraparound kind) and slapped them on over my prescription lenses.Second surgery date is official. Still praying FERVENTLY that I won't need it. When I think about the nausea, tearing, inflammation, traction on the facial muscles and eye itself, dizziness due to anesthetic and inability to focus, and then someone reminds me I may have to go through all that AGAIN, I feel like a cow at the beginning of a killing chute: there is no way out, and this is NOT going to end well. Have looked up vitrectomy on several medical sites, and the results are NOT encouraging. . .it's far more invasive than cataract, less guaranteed, and might result in retinal detachment anyway, which is what they're seeking theoretically to prevent.Oy vey. TBC
Saturday January 21, 2006 - 05:44pm (PST) Edit Delete

Entry for January 19, 2006
A good day so far. Jumped out of bed early for work Dressed more or less in the dark, but nothing I have on has obvious stains. Have been chatting with co-workers, all of whom have their own little medical issues. This sort of puts the eye into perspective - when everyone has health problems, it lowers the bar as far as what "normal" is. Moral of the story: there are no perfect people. . .yes, I regret what happened to the eye, but life has to go on. Talk to me tomorrow, though. TBC

Entry for January 18, 2006
Woke this morning with elevated IOP and some discomfort. My eye medicine reacts with the Synthroid, so I can't take them together. I chose the eyedrop and got some relief. Was just grateful to have finally gotten to sleep. After dinner, I had a terrible attack of full-body itching. I couldn't figure it out because I didn't eat anything I hadn't eaten a thousand times before - some leftover, but not too old, tuna casserole and a small stack of pancakes.Looked on the web and found that full-body itching can indicate diabetes. Need to remind my primary care doc to do a fasting blood sugar. We've all been so preoccupied with my eye that other things have been neglected - notably the thyroid. TBC -
Wednesday January 18, 2006 - 11:51am (PST) Edit Delete 0 Comments Permanent Link

Entry for January 17, 2006

Woke late in the morning from a dream in which I was dating a guy who had the same disfigurement as I do. He had a great personality, but I was dreading the moment I'd have to kiss himwith his disfigured eye looming at me.
Sure enough, when the moment came, I just couldn't do it and drew back in discomfort. His eye - I thought of falling down an empty well and never being able to get out. Is this the reaction others have to me? I guess it varies by individuals. I felt discouraged, but it was morning and I had things to do. To be continued. . .
Tuesday January 17, 2006 - 05:59pm (PST) Edit Delete 0 Comments Permanent Link

Entry for January 16, 2006
Happy Martin Luther King Day! I went to a festival and march with friends, where I had to recount the story of the eye a few more times. I keep joking about the eye blog, but little do they know. . .The light was blinding, but the "eye surgery glasses" worked just fine. I even wore them for pictures. I guess this is my life from now on . . even if the vitreous surgery is successful, there's another 6-week minimum recovery period with an eye patch, no bending down, etc. I'm dreading it, to put it mildly. To be continued.
Monday January 16, 2006 - 03:53pm (PST) Edit

Entry for January 15, 2006

Went to church and joked with everyone about how I was going to start an eye blog so they could just go there and I wouldn't have to give the recitation over and over. Of course, most of the older folks don't have any idea what a blog is, although they do use their computers for taxes and such.Had a charity meeting this afternoon to discuss helping a Central American community. It helped to put my eye issues into perspective. Most of the developing world has no access to even mediocre medical care and relies on traditional healing. Sometimes traditional healing works better anyway, though not always. Hospitals in Nicaragua are calling for more linens and baby garments, because their old-fashioned washers degrade the quality of the cloth and linens don't last long.Came home and watched EXTREME MAKEOVER, HOME EDITION. Again, it put my eye issues into perspective. It was an excellent episode - a family was living in a mold-infested house and had to move into a motel, which they could ill afford with five kids. Rain delayed the building, but the workers - thousands of them - worked night and day. Though my place is old and small, again I felt grateful for it. A good day food-wise; tried to lay off the fats and was fairly successful. The salt is another story.TBC.
Sunday January 15, 2006 - 09:23pm (PST) Edit Delete 0 Comments Permanent Link

Entry for January 14, 2006
Thank God for online support groups. I went out to lunch with H today, and found myself obsessively looking at the eyes of everyone we interacted with or passed. I guess it's part of the mourning process for the lost eye. I came home and cried a little more. Ironic that the last words I heard the surgical nurse say before they put me under were, "You have pretty eyes." Not anymore. Take this feeling away, God. I can't do it myself.
Saturday January 14, 2006 - 07:57pm (PST) Edit Delete 0 Comments Permanent Link